Myths of Marriage

What you believe about marriage will become the fuel for your behavior in marriage. Spouses often do not believe similar things. You must explore these myths of marriage.

• We expect the same things from marriage...Maybe the husband expects his wife to quit her job and stay home cooking and cleaning, while the wife expects to keep her career.
• Unspoken rules...this is as simple putting the cap back on the toothpaste, or as complex as to how presents are addressed and wrapped under the Christmas tree. What we know growing up is what we expect as adults in our family.
• Unconscious Roles...Similar to unspoken rules, we take what we saw as children into our new roles as husbands and wives. You must express your expectations or you will be sorely disappointed. If the wife's father took out the trash, odds are the trash sits there until the husband takes it out...or worse, she'll take the trash out and then resent the husband for it. Often, in this scenario, they hubby doesn't know why she's upset!
• Everything good will get better...there is no better way to find disappointment than to expect the happiness you have pre-marriage to become a scene from Disney complete with birds singing and small forest creatures in the window.
• Everything bad will disappear...this is a marriage, not a miracle. Marriage is a statement of faith and love, a sacred union blessed by God...not medicine to cure an illness. Marriage by itself without hard work will not save your relationship!
• My spouse will make me whole...if you build intimacy with another person before getting whole on your own, all of your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.
• Three relationships to review:

1. A-Frame Relationships: Picture a couple leaning completely on each other in the shape on an "A". This couple is overly dependent.
2. H-Frame Relationships: Picture a couple holding hands with arms fully extended, standing erect. Can you see the way this couple makes an "H"? this couple is overly independent.
3. M-Frame Relationships: This couple is holding hands, but standing closely with their arms by their sides. Both are standing straight, but close to one another; in the shape of an "M". This couple is interdependent.

The objective is to become the M-Frame couple. Discussing the above myths with your spouse is a good step in that direction.

1 Kings 2:1-4

1 When the time drew near for David to die, he gave a charge to Solomon his son.

2 "I am about to go the way of all the earth," he said. "So be strong, show yourself a man, 3 and observe what the LORD your God requires: Walk in his ways, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and requirements, as written in the Law of Moses, so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go, 4 and that the LORD may keep his promise to me: 'If your descendants watch how they live, and if they walk faithfully before me with all their heart and soul, you will never fail to have a man on the throne of Israel.'

I am a big fan of David. Even on his deathbed, his first concern is in parenting Soloman... Showing him the way and encouraging him. Men, when you come home form a hard day at work, is your first concern with your children? Remember, our days here are numbered. Make them count.

1 Chronicles 22:6-13

6 Then he called for his son Solomon and charged him to build a house for the LORD, the God of Israel. 7 David said to Solomon: "My son, I had it in my heart to build a house for the Name of the LORD my God. 8 But this word of the LORD came to me: 'You have shed much blood and have fought many wars. You are not to build a house for my Name, because you have shed much blood on the earth in my sight. 9 But you will have a son who will be a man of peace and rest, and I will give him rest from all his enemies on every side. His name will be Solomon, and I will grant Israel peace and quiet during his reign. 10 He is the one who will build a house for my Name. He will be my son, and I will be his father. And I will establish the throne of his kingdom over Israel forever.'
11 "Now, my son, the LORD be with you, and may you have success and build the house of the LORD your God, as he said you would. 12 May the LORD give you discretion and understanding when he puts you in command over Israel, so that you may keep the law of the LORD your God. 13 Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the LORD gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.

Isn't that just like a dad? David wants Solomon to have a better life than he had, and without near the sacrifice. Wouldn't you agree that as dads we all want the same for our children?